Closet Redneck?

Yesterday, my wife called me a Closet Redneck. Her explanation was, "You are like a Homophobe or Gay-Basher. They publicly slam homosexuals, but are secretly one at heart. You publicly slam rednecks, but probably at heart want to be one." I thought that was hilarious. I think I laughed out loud.

I'll close my eyes and picture my life as a redneck....

(Dream)

I hear the screaching of Axl Rose's voice as Guns 'n' Roses wails in the background. I'm watching Chyna bodyslam X-Pac, on the TV, as I view WWF wrestling. I have a Labatt 50 in hand resting on my beergut and my legs are reclining on 3 cases of empty Labatt 50 two-fours. I adjust my Skoal baseball cap and scratch my armpits, underneath my 'I wish my wife was as dirty as this shirt!' T-shirt. I stand up to pull the wedgey, created by my track-pants since, I'm going commando, out of my ass. I fart and burp at the same time and it makes me laugh. It's almost time to go to the Monster Truck rally so I clean myself up by changing my shirt to a 'Dale Earnhart is God' T-Shirt and spray some Brut cologne on me, to cover up the smell of B.O. I beat my wife for saying hello to the mailman and tell her to have dinner ready when I come back and jump in my 1987 Ford Bronco with 'deer scarring' spotlights on the roof and 'Bush - Jesus 00-08', 'Europe is for Homos' and 'Save a Life - Stop Abortion' bumper stickers on the back. I drive two blocks and run over a child on a bike and then crash into a tree and die, because I'm driving with 4 times the legal blood-alcohol level.

(Wake up)

No, I think I'll stay educated, cultured and intelligent.

Random Though #1

I was driving home from work the other day and passing in front of my car, at a cross-walk, was a young boy, of probably 5 or 6 years of age with light brown hair and a grin from ear-to-ear, as he held his mothers hand. I watched the young lad cross the street with great interest. "He's so happy", is I all I could think. I really pondered this for a few seconds, as I waited for the light to turn green, and came up with the theory that we all are trying to achieve the childhood happiness we experienced at the age of 5 or 6. The more I thought I about it, I was able to realize that not everyone had the great childhood I had and this has an important impact on how we try to achieve happiness in our lives as adults.
I justify my theory by recalling what it was like to be 5. There was no school, no work, your mom made everything better, you just wanted to play with friends and the worse part of your day was when your parents tried to make you eat vegetables. I think this was the peak of happiness in most people's life and we spend the remainder of our life try to get to that peak again. Some people can do this. They can achieve this happiness through starting a family of their own and watching their children start their lives, or being a volunteer in Africa, or traveling the world, etc. I think this explains why a lot of parents can work crap jobs and deal with it better than people in my shoes. They are happy and their job is just a small setback in their lives. People like me have lots of great things happening in their lives like a loving spouse, good job, I've seen a bit of the world and have good health, but I'm not as happy as I was when I was 5. Since, I'm not as happy as I was at 5 I have to shine the spotlight on my unhappiness, my job, and it becomes such a focus in my life that I can't be happy until it is corrected.

On the other hand people who didn't have such a great childhood, rednecks, abused kids, etc., find the peak of their happiness at other times in their life. Some of them can't get over high school when they were so popular, and part of the football team or cheerleading squad. Some of them never went on to anything else so they sit around and lament about that game they scored 3 touchdowns. It sounds funny to us, because it's high school football, not profession football where the world would remember such an event. But, the fact is that was the happiest day in their life. It was their peak. A lot of us sit around and lament about the carefree days of childhood, because it was the happiest time in our life. Then there are the few that find their current adult life to be the happiest and we are all jealous.

I will continue to strive for that happiness, because I know it can happen. It just requires a lot of work and a lot of patience and may not come about the way I expected it, but it will happen!

What would life be like?

We've all seen these people. You know them! The stupid people on Earth. It always amazes me how stupid people are or can be. Today, I had one of those days where it felt like I was surrounded by stupid people. Well I should restate. Everyday, I'm surrounded by stupid people, but only the really stupid stand out so much you remember them at the end of the day and write a blog entry about them.
Today's first experience was a moron woman driver. No offence women, but the majority of you suck at driving! I will not take back this comment, because of an important clause in the sentence...majority! There are some very good female drivers out there. My wife is very good, my mom was pretty good when she drove and so far my sister seems pretty decent. I'm sure many more are out there, but lets face the facts most women drivers are BAD drivers. I always said women are bad drivers and men are crazy drivers. Men cause accidents because of stupid risks. Women cause accidents because they don't know how to operate the machine called car!
Anyway, back to my point. This stupid women decided she wants to turn right while waiting at a stop light and she is in the middle lane infront of me. It appears that she had stopped too close to the vehicle in front so logic would dictate that she would need to backup to make enough room in front to move her car into the other lane. Logic would also dictate that when reversing on a roadway you would look behind you before commencing! She decides to just backup without looking in her rearview mirror or over her shoulder. Lucky me, I'm behind her. I think I pressed the horn for about 10 seconds, because it took that long to get her attention!!!!!
Idiot number two today, was a car no where near me that I saw turning left into the Masonville Mall. This person turned left into the oncoming lane. What got my attention was all the honking and cars reversing to let this idiot through without causing an accident. Now, my first thought is, old lady driver. I never saw the driver so I can't confirm my suspicions.

All of these events and many more, from past experiences, got me thinking. What would life be like without stupid people? I really think stupid people are the main reason I hate people so much. I make friends with people who are smart, have the necessary cognitive skills to function in society. I don't have any friends who are stupid. They, and myself included, have done stupid things, but on average these are lapses in judgment not serious brain trauma.

So all of this got me thinking. What if we eliminated the stupid rules, in the world, created to protect stupid people? We could, by process of natural selection, create a society of intelligence. Just imagine...No pollution, low crime, we would have a feasible renewable energy supply, no Wal-Mart, etc.

Here are some of my new rules as Supreme Ruler of the World

1. Pedestrians J-walking must run out of the way of on coming vehicles or face death via impact of the car. I understand when no vehicle is coming you will J-walk slowly, but if a vehicle is coming I hate people who stroll along knowing we cannot hit them or we face punishment. These people are inconsiderate and deserve to die.
2. Parents who don't control their kids at the store. We should be allowed to discipline the child ourselves and then kick the father in the nuts and the mother in the vagina. Since, when did parents start to suck at raising children. Children are so spoiled today and parents are afraid to make their kids cry. This is why we have a sudden influx of stupid people in the world. Plus, I hate parents who let their 3 year olds push grocery carts. Like they can control the damn thing!
3. People who drive SUVs or Pick-Up trucks should not have clean vehicles. If they are clean we should be entitled to throw mud and rocks on them. These vehicles are not luxury vehicles. Hence, the name Sport Utility Vehicle or Truck. If you don't use these vehicles to haul large objects or go off-roading with them you shouldn't own them. Buy a fuel economical vehicle and stop thinking you have a big penis, because you drive a "man's" vehicle.
4. Corporations that break the law should be punished more aggressively. If they are repeat offenders the government should take control of the corporation with the help of a special government organization that specializes in these situations. The guilty parties in the corporation should face a real jail term, a significant fine and have to face their employees, where their employees have the right to do whatever they want to them and face no retribution. I'm sick of hearing about how corporations pollute and pay the fine, because the fine is less expensive than cleaning up their operation. Our how executives essentially rape the company of all value and end up in a club-fed jail and pay a fine of only 1% of their earnings and the employees of the company are left unemployed and screwed.
5. People who tailgate people who are behind a long line of vehicles. The driver being tailgated should be allowed to stop suddenly and kill the driver behind them. Their damaged car will be replaced by the deceased persons estate or insurance. Are these people really this stupid? I understand tailgaters who want a slow person to move, but if there are 6 cars in front the flow of traffic is stalled to the speed of that first car. Tailgating the sixth car will not speed things up. These people should die slowly.

That's about all I can come up with at this moment, but as I think about it I'm sure I'll have future posts on the subject.

Black and Tan

Last night, I went out with a friend of mine from work. If you know me you know that I don't have too many friends from work. I consider most of the people I work with acquaintances. Rarely do I like the people I work with. Honestly, I dislike most. In normal conditions, I probably wouldn't spend more than ten seconds talking to coworkers if I met them outside of work. I did have one friend, here in London, Steve who is now off to bigger and better things in Calgary. We have very similar views on the world and work. So we got along well. I also have my colleague in Montreal, Stephane The Womanizer, who I get along with real well, but obviously due to location differences we don't see much of each other. Aside from them, most of my friends are in Toronto and I rarely see them anymore. So I'm kind of lacking for male companionship!

However, back to my original thought. I went out with my friend from work, Mike. I've known Mike for a while now and we've always been saying we should get together for a drink or play guitar, but it never came together until last night. We went out to a British pub in the downtown, where there was a murder a couple years back, and chatted for a few hours. It was quite fun and we both had some good laughs...mostly at our work colleagues expense. The great thing about Mike is he plays TENNIS! Finally, I have a tennis partner in London. I haven't played a competitive match of tennis in years. He also plays racquetball, so I plan to learn this winter. Mike is an interesting guy with a very interesting project on the go. He's making a movie. The movie has already been filmed and just needs the final touches, on editing and audio, so he tells me. I'd link to his website, but his ISP has dropped the ball. No. It's not Bell. (gasps of surprise) However, once he gets his site up and running again I plan to add the link so you can all be exposed to his movie when it's released. Cool eh!

Now to my Entry Title. Black and Tan. For those of you who don't know what it is, it's a drink. In the same pint glass they pour Guinness on top of Harp; thus, creating a black layer on top and a tan layer. I suggest you try one if you ever get the chance. Nice drink. Much lighter than a Pint of Guinness. Anyway, if you've never heard of said drink, don't' be embarrassed. I thought, when Mike was referring to the beverage, that he was talking about a hound dog!

CHEERS!

Fake Plastic Testicles

Today, driving home I ended up behind some redneck in a beat up old Ford pickup truck. If that wasn't evidence enough of his white trash, redneck nature; what hung from his trailer hitch was sure to clinch it. He had fake plastic testicles hanging from his hitch, much like the one in the picture. Obviously, he's trying to show that he's a real man.

Why do rednecks exist? Do they serve a purpose? People always say I'm such a snob, but honestly how can anyone defend people like this. Sometimes, rednecks are so stupid that they are fun to laugh at, but in this case his fake nuts failed to even trigger the giggles of the eleven year old inside of me.

One thing I found interesting was the colour of the fake testicles...blue. BLUEBALLS anyone.
Jeez I wonder why he has blueballs. Maybe because he's a filthy, dirty, intellectually devoid redneck! Go drink some rancid rainwater, a.k.a. Labatt 50.

Oh, The Humanity!!!

I found this old Onion article on a shooting and thought it would be a nice posting considering yesterdays post. Enjoy!

Click on picture below to access the article.

Let's Find An Excuse!

So it's about time I made another posting. I've been debating for a while what my next post should be about and just as I sit down, in front of my trusting iBook, ready to type away my topic hits me.
The shooting in Montreal.
In case you live in a cave under a rock, here's the summary. Guy goes on shooting rampage at a local college and kills one and puts more in intensive care. Here's a link to an article on the event, if you so desire. I suggest you read about the event before continuing on with this entry as you need the whole context.

There has been a lot of pointing fingers trying to figure out what caused Kimveer Gill to do this. Some people point fingers at Gothic music and their Vampirefreaks.com web sites. Others to his gun fascination and his playing of video games based on the Columbine Massacre. I find these people humourous. They have no proof of any of these things being the "trigger" that sent him over the edge or even started this violent process. I was goth. Believe it or not, most goths are artsy, left wing people who feel alienated from society and pull away to what makes them comfortable. They despise violence and think more like Greenpeace members than NRA members. It's a childish culture, now that I look back on it. They all say they want to be ignored, but it's hard to ignore someone in all black with a white face and black lipstick. My point in any event is gothic music is dark and may sound violent to the untrained listener, but in most cases has a political message about war or religions. The gothic culture is not a violent one. I also find the video game excuse to be a bit tired. How many millions of people around the world have played this, completely tasteless and ridiculous, Columbine shooting game but have not gone on shooting rampages themself? The game is probably rated for adults. That being said I'd like to reiterate that the game should never have been made with such a theme about such a tragic and specific event. These games are rated for adults since, most adults have the ability to distinguish between real and game. I can see how games like this can easily warp young children, but adults have seen worse on the news and can play a game and then re-enter the real world safely. I've been playing Splinter Cell 2 for the past 4 days and have yet to go stalking through the streets with a pistol and silencer taking out "suspicious Indonesian spies". It's a game that's realistic, because the video game market wants believable games.
The biggest thing in the news of late is the police and society screaming that people on Vampirefreaks.com should have raised alarm bells when Kimveer was posing with guns on his blog. Through Wikipedia I was able to see the blog entries in context and have to say that if I came across this guy on a blog, I wouldn't have thought about telling the police. He looks like an attention whore who admires guns and is trying to look tough posing with them. I saw nothing in the blog that would lead me to believe this guy was a killer or doing anything illegal. To be honest, I think anyone who owns guns is a bit nuts, but our laws allow it so he doesn't stand out as crazy to me. You decide for yourself. Check out this link.

So now to my point. My point is Kimveer Gill was depressed, alienated, and not well mentally. This is why he did what he did. Does it make it right? No, absolutely not. What I'm trying to say is "Sorry society, but there is no one horrible and specific man made thing to blame here." The fact is anyone in this kind of mental state can do this and more will do this. Society wants an easy answer and something to blame so they can go back to living life carefree and not terrified. Banning violent video games will not stop murders. Should they be banned is a different issue. Will banning metal and gothic music reduce murders. No. Guns? Well that's a tough one. I think guns should be banned, but we are far too late for that to have any effect. Illegal guns will always stream into our country and end up in the hands of people who shouldn't have them. Plus, if someone really wants to kill someone or large amounts of people there are always other means, guns are just the easiest. Home-made bombs and knives can still kill.

The real issue here is the mental and emotional state of people. Kimveer was depressed and felt hopeless. It pushed him over the edge and rather than committing suicide, like most depressed people, he went on a shooting rampage before ending his life. Lots of blame is being directed at jocks in high schools for picking on the geeks and freaks. Jocks are asses I agree, but many people have had to deal with bullying and don't act out violently years after finishing school. We don't know all the details surrounding Kimveer's life yet, but the goal to understanding what he did stems from his mental state. Most likely, depressed, unemployed or in a bad job, lonely, and hopeless.

How many of you have felt the same? I have, but we never snapped and killed people.
Kimveer did! Kimveer is not the norm of society!
People like this will always exist and people like this will continue to act out as they have for hundreds of years. The only good thing is these people are a small percentage of the population so these events should not occur frequently. Let's hope the rest of his victims pull through.

Books, books, books...

I don't have much to say today so I'll draw attention to my new addition to my blog. You'll see about half way down the page on the right side I now have a little widget linking to my library of books I've catalogued with LibraryThing. It should have most of my books. I tried to complete the list from memory so one or two may be added when I get home.

I have to give proper credit to Prim as she originally had it on her webpage, so I copied her. What can I say? Nothing is original!

Here is my list! Maybe one day I'll add comments or reviews. For the moment I've just rated the ones I've read.

Ode To Rivella

Ode To Rivella

(To the tune of Show Me Mary by Catherine Wheel)

The cow sticks it's tongue out

The farmer pulls on her utters

The pain from drinking makes me shout

I scream out to Mutter!

The golden liquid streams down

My mouth waters

In the liquid I want to drown

Lactose is no bother

How does it hurt?

How does it hurt?

OW OW OW!

Show me Rivella.

So what is Rivella you ask? It is a secret the Swiss have kept for a long time. (It's a secret not by their own doing!) Rivella is a carbonated soft drink derived from milk serum. Don't ask, I don't know exactly what milk serum is. My grossmama used to buy this for me when I was in Switzerland and on my last trip there with my wife in 2005 I had it yet again. It's a golden colour, as you can see in the picture above, and the taste is hard to describe, even for a supertaster like me. Even though the taste is hard to describe, it tastes wonderful. It's not too sweet, but unique and enjoyable. The bottles come in 3 colours representing 3 different types. Red is the original, blue is diet and green is a green tea flavoured of infused. I prefer the original. So now you're wondering why haven't I ever heard of this before? Well the reason is, because North Americans don't seem to be interested in a milk serum derived pop. I believe Rivella has tried on two occasions to break into the Coke and Pepsi dominated United States and on both occasions flopped. The first time I think they tried going into supermarkets and the second time they focused on specialty food stores and on both times never penetrated the market. However, in Europe it is very popular.

My biggest problem with Rivella is...it's made with milk products. For someone who is lactose intolerant this pop is like a Snickers to someone with a nut allergy. Last time I had this drink I was in Lugano, Switzerland and thought I was going to die. I actually had a rash on my chest. My body didn't want more lactose at all! So the world has created yet another milk product I love, but can only enjoy in limited quantities. Rivella joins the ranks of cheese, chocolate and ice cream in my books.

If you ever go to Europe be sure to look for Rivella and enjoy one or more for people like me!

Quality At A Reasonable Price

Concha Y Toro is one of those great Chilean vineyards that has mastered wine making in this gorgeous South American country. Concha Y Toro offers a great range of products from top quality wines at higher Chilean price range, still affordable compared to French or Italian wine prices. As well they offer a decent quality mass market wine as "Casillero Cabernet Sauvignon". You know the wine, it around $12CDN with a red devil on the label.
Today, I want to take about their midlevel wine "Marques de Casa Concha Cabernet Sauvignon". At the moment you'll probably find in store the 2004 release. I will be speaking mostly about the 2003 release as I haven't had a chance to taste the 2004.
This medium body red wine is everything you could want. Great price, around $20, can be drunk early, and the quality is that of a much more expensive wine. The minute you pour the wine into your glass you see a deep red, bordering on black colour. With aromas of vanilla, casis, cedar, and a hint of plum it is sure to wet your palate for that first taste. From the first quaff this wine will not disappoint. The flavours live up to the aromas. Low acidity and mild tannins give this wine a wonderful finish that will stay with you for minutes.
This wine always scores well with Wine Spectator, 90 or higher.
I highly recommend this wine first for quality and second for price. Cheers!

Paul Martin?

I have a new respect for The Onion.

Take a look at the picture below from one of their recent articles. I always thought they had models for their pictures or used Photoshop on regular pictures, but now I believe they just use photos from the news and place them where ever they want. Thus, Paul Martin is now a Caltech Physicist! That makes it even more hilarious!

Never Assume, It Makes An Ass Out of U and Me!

If you recall from a previous posting I did, I was having some difficulties with my Bell landline at my house. They had crossed my line with someone else's. I had called in to report this trouble after my original call to report something was wrong with my call answer service. Of course, nothing was wrong with my call answer service, because I was trying to use it on someone else's line. Anyway, I concluded that post predicting that they would uncross the lines and probably screw up my call answer service, because the left hand doesn't talk to the right hand.

Well, make a fool out of me. I'm just too pessimistic I guess. I underestimated my employer and boy did they show me. Nothing was wrong with my voice mail. BUT, THEY CUT MY FREAKING SERVICE! WHAT THE (expletive delete). I'm completely blown away by this. I really didn't think Bell could drop any lower in customer service expectations, but they over achieved once again. So for two days we were without internet or dial tone. So I called in the repair again and they did their best to piss me off and promised to have the line corrected by yesterday night. They failed to do so, so I plan to complain to the executive office and report it to the CRTC.
However, to continue my story, I decided that the odds of this being corrected over the weekend were slim and took the matter into my own hands. I know a technician in the city who I work with frequently and decided to request a favour from him. I could fix the problem myself in about 3 minutes, but I don't have the tools necessary to make it happen. I knew the problem was at the crossbox and not the switch, since my phone number was still active and the call answer service still picked up. All that was missing was a jumper in the crossbox from the feeder cable to my distribution cable. All you need to know is what pair the phone number is on in the feeder cable and punch it onto the pair my house is connected to, which I can identify, since I have a toner and probe to hear them. In any event, he said no problem and he would come out today hopefully in the early afternoon. What a nice guy.

I decided to go to Starbucks and grab a coffee and pick up a case of beer for him as a thank you for his favour. As I'm leaving I see Ajilon, a contractor we use, at my neighbourhood's crossbox. I assumed he was probably fixing my line issue, but I carried on expecting them to screw it up anyways. I came back home pleased to hear my phone ringing. I doubled checked that the phone was the right number and that my internet is working and then proceed to call back my technician friend to tell him not to bother to come, because the issue had finally been corrected.

I have so many issues with what happend here. I didn't loose my phone service because of a storm or car accident, but because some incompetent dumbass technician, probably a contractor, screwed up when we was trying to fix the line crossing issue. Where is the verification, the competence, the intelligence? Customer service is absolutely ridiculous. You get a call centre in India who has no idea how the business works. They take your issue and plug it into the database and that's it. They can't help you! They don't even know how dial tone gets to your house! Amazingly, this issue got resolved, but this easily could've gone on all weekend and if I didn't know internal people to call I would've been without phone service for almost a week. I am pissed! I want to make sure I am refunded for five days of phone and internet service at a minimum.

How sad is it that when people say, "Bell sucks" or "Bell customer service screwed me and doesn't care", my response is not, "wow, that's unusual", but rather "oh I know. Bell sucks".
This company is doomed for failure and will continue to loose customers if they cannot get their customer service worked out. For a start, stop outsourcing your telephone agents. I don't care if their Indian or Canadian or French. They should be really Bell employees who know how the telephone network works so they can take real notes on the issues, not "*98 doesn't work", and direct the issue to the correct database and staff. Secondly, don't make timeline promises if you can't keep them. They made at least three different timeline promises to me and kept none of them. For something as insignificant at *98 I can expect slow resolution, but no phone service is supposed to be a 24 hour turn around. The telephone is deemed an essential service. We were without 911 for 2 days.

I plan to report this to the Executive Office, CTRC and internally in the company. Even though nothing will probably come of it. What's really sad is that the company continues to downsize. Not the people who are useless, and trust me there are many, but people who should stay. Expect customer service to deteriorate even more in the next few years.

I'm so glad everything is going IP. In the future I see no more tv or phone providers, just internet providers. Everyone will use software driven programs for their phone, like Skype, and television. We just need to see bandwidth increase a little more. Then Rogers and Bell will just be internet service providers, but maybe people like Google will continue to come along and offer free wireless internet service and Bell and Rogers will go bankrupt. What a happy day that will be!

DEATH!

Grapes

As I sit in my cubicle farm eating some red grapes I start to think, "what kind of grapes are these?" Most of the time at grocery stores the varietal of the grape is not listed. It's either green seedless, red seedless or black seedless. Occasionally, the have the Italian varietal Muscat. What exactly am I eating? No real unique flavour. Sweet, crunchy and I guess satisfying, but not memorable. I assume they are not wine making grapes, since I've heard that they are not very tasty to eat. I would imagine a thick skin grape like Cabernet Sauvignon or Nebbiolo would be disgustingly bitter. I have never tried them so it's just an assumption. Maybe, they're used in Ontario wine. No I'll give them some credit. They at least use the proper varietals, they either don't grow them well or still haven't mastered oenology after all these years. No I think these grapes are probably what makes the grape juice given to those people who make their own wines. Why do people do this? Unless, you have your own vineyard in France or Italy, etc., HOMEMADE WINE IS PUTRID!

The funniest thing is how defensive people get about their homemade wine. Every time I meet someone new who makes homemade wine I always say, "I don't like homemade wine, it's never very good." I try to be polite, rather than say, "HOMEMADE WINE IS PUTRID!" The response I always get back is, "oh you haven't tried mine."
I don't need to. It will be shit too!

People there is a reason wine makers age wines in barrels and study oenology at school. IT'S A SKILL! You can't age grape juice in plastic buckets and expect it to taste good. Yes, you've mastered organic chemistry. Sugar->Alcohol->Acid. But, it requires knowledge, equipment and experience. Not a plastic bucket, a package of yeast and a dim room.

*******PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT**************
If you make homemade wine, please stop offering it to people! We don't like it. If we say we do it's because we are too kind. I'm not part of that we, because I'll tell you it's shit!
**********END OF TRANSMISSION************

My Fist Did Not Just Hit The Table.

DEATH to Bell!
DEATH DEATH DEATH.
The trifecta is now complete. Prim has Bell pissing her off. Breakers has Bell pissing her off and now I'm pissed off at Bell...well more than usual!
Yesterday, I found that something was wrong with my voice mail. To be exact when I hit *98 instead of getting a request for my password, the bitch said something to the effect of "This service is not on this line." YES IT IS BITCH!
So today I called 310-Bell and reported the problem. Shortly thereafter I had an epiphany and thought "I bet the dumbass retards crossed the lines at the cross-box". So I tried calling my home number with my cellphone. It rings on the cell but not at home! That would explain why we've been getting the same caller calling asking if our number is 652-something. He was dialing the right number it just wasn't going where it's supposed to. So I call back repair and the girl asks for my number and says yes it's crossed. So tomorrow one of their more talented monkeys will come out and try to repair the cross. I could probably go and fix it myself, but don't want to expell the effort, plus nobody important calls us!
So I can already predict the upcoming events. Bell corrects the crossed lines. The left hand doesn't talk to the right hand and they end up screwing up my working voice mail!
I hate corporations! But, that's another post!

Bus Part Deux

Okay people! I realized that I should be considering the monthly pass. They have a weekday only monthly pass for $63. Divide that by 20 days and it's $3.15/day. Cheaper than tickets and more of a savings over the car. Just needed to clarify. YEAH Public Transport!

The Freaks On The Bus Go Round-And-Round

So today I took the bus for the first time.
Why? You ask. Well the main reason is we finally have a bus route in our neck of the woods in north London. For a few years they've had these signs up saying "Possible Future Transit Stop", finally they made them a reality. The stop is no more than 3 minutes from my door and the bus runs every half hour to the mall where you have to transfer to the bus that takes you downtown. I always said that if there was a useful bus route to work I would take it, so today was my trial run. I hope to keep riding my bike except on rainy days and take the bus. When the weather turns bad in the cold and snow I'll ride the bus regularly. Currently, I pay $48/month for parking, plus gas for the month. I'm not sure about that expense since I use the car for more than transport to work, but I think $30/month is conservative. So I spend approximately $78/month to get to work. If I buy bus tickets at $1.76/per ride times two per day times 20 trips a month=$70. WHAT!? Where's the damn incentive to stop driving? Oh man I'm confused now. I'm gonna call the city and tell them to raise the parking rates so my decision is more obvious. Anyways, as I write this I'm still at work so I can't comment on the ride home yet, which I'm sure will have lots of freaks.
The ride to work was pretty painless. It took a total of 30 minutes including the transfer, if you can even call it that. My drive to the parking lot and walk from there to work take 30 minutes as does my bike ride. Within ten minutes I was at the mall and the next bus pulled up a minute later for the transfer, we actually passed it on the road. Twenty minutes later I was downtown and walking to the building, which was a very short distance from the stop. This week the ride is free, I guess to introduce people to the route. I saw the new route bus heading in the other direction this morning with lots of high school students on it, probably because the bus stop directly in front of the high school, but by the time it made it's loop and picked me up the bus was empty. My trip to the mall had only an old lady as another rider. Not bad! The bus downtown was busier, obviously. However, there were no freaks! Just business people and university students. I actually didn't mind the ride since it was so quick and sans "gangsta rappas" or "wannabes".
I'm a little concerned about the ride home, since it will be starting from the downtown. If you haven't been to downtown London here is a summary of the people you might see:
Guys talking to themselves; Teenage pregnancies; pitbulls; Gangsta rappas, drunks; white trash(redundant); guys who play trumpet for money; guys with electronic keyboards, worth more than a months rent, begging for money; fat redneck girls who think they are hot, only to Jabba the Hut.
You may now understand my concern. What is it with the bus? I guess I already know the answer...cheap transport. That is why the dregs of society congregate to them. Even the Greyhound seems to have freaks flock to it. Compare the average Via Rail passenger to the average Greyhound passenger...scary, isn't it?
The bus is usually not a pleasurable means of transport.
I recall my days of working in Brampton at the Maple Leaf Meats factory with Sheman. We used to take the Torbram bus to work. If you're not familiar with Brampton, Torbram road is nothing but factories. The ride in the morning was not horrible, but coming home just imagine the stench of a bus full or every different culture possible sweating and tired. Yes, excuse me while I puke from memory. My friend Een, who used to take the same bus, referred to that bus as "The Stench of Humanity". Fitting I say!
There is just something odd about the bus. In Toronto the subway has it's share of freaks, but most people are business people. The bus just attracts the freak I think. The thing that always gets me and I can never understand is most of these freaks on the bus don't have a job. Where are they going? Why are they wasting $2.50 a ride on the bus? But, today it hit me. They're freaks right? They have nothing better to do with their time. So they ride the bus for eternity. The bus drivers don't really notice where you got on and the fact you never get off. The route just keeps repeating. They sit on the bus forever; thus, the freaks on the bus go round-and-round. I think I've just solved the mystery.
Now that I look back at my potential savings of $8 I'm torn whether it's worth it taking the bus. Pro: Better for the environment, don't have to drive through snow, can read or listen to my Ipod
Cons: Have to wait in the rain or cold when it's late, less convenient when I want to pick up things after work, "stench of humanity", maybe freaks

Hmm. Leave me your comments. I'd like some opinions.

Someone Press The Stop Button

So it's been a while since I last made a posting, but I was quite busy. I took one week of vacation from Hell and went up to my sister-in-laws cottage in Northern Ontario with my wife. It was nice to get away to absolute silence and water. The weather was great and we were able to swim everyday in the lake. I hope to post some pics later on. I came back with a little more colour, but no major tan. We concluded our time up at the cottage on my birthday as I'm now the big 3-0. I don't feel a day over 29! HAAH!
After my birthday dinner with my family, my wife and I hosted my parents and aunt at our place for the weekend. So in short I've had no time to write. That doesn't mean lots of things didn't happen.
This weekend saw the retirement of one of my childhood idols from the tennis world. Andre Agassi ended his long and memorable career at the US Open. He was really suffering from back problems at the end and I think it was obvious to most he wasn't going to retire with one more title. In honour of my childhood tennis idol I thought it would interesting to do a comparison of his styles from when I grew up with him to his current look today.
Looking back at his original image you've got to say, "wow! The 90's were almost as bad as the 80's for style!" I remember the first time I saw Andre with his shaved head I thought, "Hey, it's the lead singer from Live!" I'll miss watching you on the court Andre!











Another interesting thing happened this weekend. Steve Irwin, The Crocodile Hunter, died! Can you believe it? We all saw this coming, but he didn't die from a snake bite or a crocodile chomping down on his skull, but rather a sting ray punctured his chest with it's barbed tail. Ow! In a world of boring people, I'll miss a nut like him! Ciao Mate!






I also discovered that the battery in my iBook is not a potential house destroyer. I checked the Apple website and the serial number on my battery is not one of the recalled group. Yeah!









So what else could have happened this weekend. Well a weekend wouldn't be complete without a redneck incident, or rather a Fredneck incident. On our reasonably middle class cul-de-sac we have the token redneck, named Fred. My wife came up with the name Fredneck. Let me lead into this by describing his property. When we all moved into our homes on the street we all started referring to his house as the "Junkyard". He had a 4x4 with deflated tires on the driveway, a garbage bin at the side of the house and random shit lying all over his lawn and driveway. He leaves his, originally red, Christmas lights up all year round and they are now a lighter shade of pink or completely white. Just two weeks ago it was apparently X-mas at their household and the lights were turned on. He easily fits into crowds while wearing his army fatigues, driving his minivan/4x4 with big lights on the top of the roof. You know the ones, they use them to scare the deers! Well, this weekend we woke up and looked out the window to see this...Yes, fake Canadian geese on his lawn. If you look carefully you will see he even set one of the geese up by a small bird bath so it looks like it's drinking. CLASSY!
Even better, in his garage you can see an odd looking wicker object. I believe this to be a cage that he probably hides in when hunting ducks or something with these fake geese. Why are rednecks so clueless! Do they not realize they are freaks and should commit suicide!
Just last night at my brother-in-laws, his redneck neighbours installed what can only be called a full scale street light over their swimming pool. The light in the lamp is like a full halogen light that glows bright enough that a plane may decide to land in his backyard.
Let's pause for a second and imagine a world without rednecks. Land values around the world would shoot up, sales of pickup trucks and SUVs would fall, drinking and driving would all but disappear, NASCAR wouldn't exist, Labatt's would stop production of 50, no more house fires from deep fried turkeys at Thanksgiving and the world would smell better. I say forget the pause button...Someone Press The Stop Button.